i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
