I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize