Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
