Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
