never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
