I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
