how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if only i could text you this smell
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
