It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
