hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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