id be glad to
Don't make out with my wife yet
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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