I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize