I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
