I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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