I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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