i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
