the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
