No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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