Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
