oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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