Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
