his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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