So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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