i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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