theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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