he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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