so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
