Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
