so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
