Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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