last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
