Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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