Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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