ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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