Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
