Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
