K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
