Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
