he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
