google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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