and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
