I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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