You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
