What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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