yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
