Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
