I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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