Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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