I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
