literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
