I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
