giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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