A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize