She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
