Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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