I wanna bring you to show and tell
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
either way he was missing a nipple.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I believe in your delicious
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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