I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
