I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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