so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
