All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
