Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
