I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
