i just had sex bonerless
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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