I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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