We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
