ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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