We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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