I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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