I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
