You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
