I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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