It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
