Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
