I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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