she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
